The Moment I Chose Myself

Divorce can stir up a storm of emotions — anger, regret, confusion, even a sense of failure. But beneath those emotions is often something deeper: the truth your body has known long before your mind was ready to accept it. That truth is the beginning of choosing yourself.  

Sometimes it takes a single moment to bring that truth to the surface. For me, it happened most recently when my sister called to tell me my ex‑husband is dating someone we’ve known for years. Before she said it, she paused and added, “This might sting a little.” And she was right...but not for the reasons I expected.  

I had felt uneasy about their connection for years. It wasn’t jealousy — it was intuition. There were moments that crossed emotional boundaries long before the marriage ended, and when he chose to visit her on our wedding anniversary, I finally admitted to myself that I deserved better. That wasn’t what ended the marriage, but it was the moment the truth became undeniable.  So hearing they were together now didn’t hurt because of the relationship itself. It hurt because it echoed all the times I swallowed my discomfort, doubted my instincts, and tried to convince myself something wasn’t a big deal.

The initial sting showed up as anger. Not at him, but at the friends who knew and didn’t tell me. That passed quickly, and the anger turned inward — questioning again why I stayed as long as I did. Over the next couple of days, old memories resurfaced: betrayal, abandonment, disappointment. They disrupted my sleep and pulled me back into a version of myself I hoped I’d outgrown.

After a few grounding conversations with trusted friends and mentors, I could see the truth: none of this hurt belonged to the present moment. It was pain I had buried, tolerated, or minimized because that’s who I was then — someone who pushed through, made the best of things, and didn’t want to get stuck in the negative.

Through my transformation work, I finally accepted that you cannot change another person — only yourself. I realized my husband and I no longer wanted the same life, and I was carrying too much of the relationship. That clarity was the beginning of choosing myself and ultimately why I knew divorce was the healthiest path forward. What I once tolerated became unacceptable, and my well‑being and self‑respect finally mattered more.

As a transition and resilience coach, I know the importance of continually working to process and understand emotions. The difference now is that I’m doing the work for me, not to hold together something that was already broken.

Someone asked me whether my divorce felt like failure or victory. My honest answer was “a little of both.” I’m fiercely loyal, so ending the marriage felt like I was giving up on something. But the peace and freedom I’ve felt since? That’s victory. My only regret is not choosing myself sooner.

If you’re someone who always tries to see the good, it can be hard to know when to stop fighting. And for so many women, the instinct is to defer to everyone else’s comfort — to keep the peace, hold the family together, and sacrifice your own needs in the process.  But choosing to say “enough” is not giving up. It’s honoring yourself. It’s choosing truth over hope, and self‑respect over endurance. That choice was my turning point.  So while part of my divorce felt like failure, the larger truth is that it was a victory — the kind you only recognize once you’re on the other side. A victory of clarity, courage and choosing myself.

And maybe that’s why hearing about my ex’s relationship status doesn’t undo me. It simply reminds me of how far I’ve come. I’m not living in that story anymore. I’m leaning into the victory - the clarity, the courage, the peace.

And last night, I slept peacefully.

If you’re in the middle of your own unraveling, know this: your feelings make sense. They’re not signs of failure — they’re invitations to choose yourself, too. And you don’t have to walk through that alone.

A “Choosing Yourself” Reflection

If any part of my story stirred something in you — a memory, a truth you’ve been avoiding, or that familiar buzzing of intuition — here are a few questions to help you explore what choosing yourself might look like in your own life.

These are the kinds of questions I ask my clients, and they can open doors you may have been afraid to knock on.

1. Where is your intuition whispering “something isn’t right,” and what would happen if you believed it?

Most women feel the truth in their bodies long before they can say it out loud. Let your body speak first.

2. What have you been tolerating that your future self would never accept?

This is often where clarity begins — not with what you want, but with what you can no longer carry.

3. What would “enough is enough” look like for you — and what would choosing yourself make possible?

Freedom? Peace? Better sleep? A life that feels like yours again?

A “Choosing‑Yourself” Assignment

Take five minutes today and write down:

• One truth your body knows

• One thing you’re done tolerating

• One way you can choose yourself this week

Small steps create big turning points.

I’d love to hear what came up for you. Consider sharing one insight in the comments — your words might be exactly what another woman needs to read.

If this resonates, consider it an invitation to go deeper. You don’t have to walk this path alone — this is exactly the kind of work I support women through every day. And if someone you know could use this kind of support, please feel free to share this with them.